Jillian Morrissey – We Can’t Afford Any More Diapers

hands-purple-child-holding-largeWe can’t afford any more diapers

It’s a lie of course, but I am desperate. I’m not above lying to a 3 year old. If you have potty trained a child who just doesn’t care, you will understand. This girl knew how to use the potty a YEAR ago and now prefers to just pee while she plays. I’m developing a nervous twitch. I will say almost anything at this point.

Here is where I came up with this lie.

Apparently I have always been a very frugal gal. As the story goes, when my little brother came along about a year and a half after I was born, my parents sat me down for a talk. They explained that he needed diapers and there was only money for one child to wear these things. There were only a few left, then I would be expected to use the potty. Apparently this seemed very reasonable to my 1 ½ year old self. It seemed, if they would have just mentioned that stupid diapers cost money, I would have given them up long before.

I really tried to sell this lie to her.

“There is no more money for diapers!”

“The new baby needs to wear diapers.”

“You’re such a big girl!”

“I’ll give you treats if you just poop in the potty!”

Please, sweet Jesus, just let her poop in the potty. I really don’t know how many more times I can bring myself to wipe poop off her giant man-child sized bottom. I even upped the ante; “If we buy diapers, then we won’t be able to buy treats!”

All to no avail…

I’m really thankful it’s a lie. I’m thankful we can afford to diaper this 35lb child well into Kindergarten. Do I want to spend $2 a day to wipe poo off her butt? Heck No! But, we can afford to. When my parents said it to me, I’m not sure it was a lie.

In a week or so, she might call my bluff. The true test of the lie will be my willingness to start putting her in undies. That, and washing an extra two loads of laundry a day.

Say a prayer for me.

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